Guilt goes better with a side of wine
If I had a dollar, even a nickel, for every time I feel guilty about something I would be rich. Maybe that would assuage my guilt or at least make it more tolerable. What am I feeling guilty about you ask? Not being able to please everyone all the time, not being one of those moms who is Betty Crocker and loves to clean and do laundry. Missing deadlines, forgetting to call someone back, you name it. Now I don’t do all these things at once, I’m not that hopeless, but I feel guilty about something at least once a day. When I started to realize this was a problem and not just because I felt bad but because life is not perfect and it is what it is. You can’t always feel guilty about it. So I started looking into why I felt this way so often. What I realized pretty quickly is that it was mostly driven by me. I had previously thought people made me feel guilty but when I started to examine things more closely it was my own perceived guilt because I felt somehow I was disappointing the person and it almost made me mad at them because I felt bad of my own accord. Something had to change so I came up with a plan. I decided that during the course of the day I would write down everything I felt guilty about and then not worry about it, put it out of my mind, until I had a chance to pour myself a glass of wine that night, look at it, and reflect on the situation. Then, and only then, decide if I should truly feel guilty or was it a case of my over active guilt ridden mind?
After a few days of doing this exercise I found that I was able to let go of many things that in the past would have made me feel guilty for days. I thought maybe it was because I didn’t dwell at the time and by the evening the sting had wore off and I was more easily able to dismiss it. However, I was telling this story to a girlfriend and her first question was, “how much wine are you drinking while doing this?”
Hmm, maybe that was the key. The more wine I had the less guilt I felt. Now that’s not a problem I care to examine too closely.
WHAT MAKES US WHO WE ARE
Do you remember back when you were young and it was all about Barbie dolls and Baby Alive? If you had brothers, or even if you didn’t, there might be a Stretch Armstrong and some Hot Wheels thrown in. As young girls, we enjoyed playing house. Traditional play acting for girls and boys alike. Mimicking our parents and grandparents. Is this where we learned that we wanted to have that perfect life? Is it what all the people against Barbie and Ken were fearful of? I’m taking creative license here as I don’t know if anyone is actually against Barbie and Ken, but I think it sounds plausible. We played with the perfect Barbie, in her perfect clothes, her perfect corvette, and perfect Ken. Barbie and Ken never defaulted on their mortgage or had the corvette repossessed, and Barbie’s boobs never sagged, her butt didn’t droop. Did we feel this was how life was supposed to be? Perfect? How did you feel the first time you realized that life wasn’t going to be like Barbie and Ken living the life in the Dream House? Was it when you hit puberty and realized that you weren’t going to be 36-24-34? How did you feel? I felt cheated. Damn that fantasy.
Chiczofrenic is the term for the woman who is purposeful and intentional in how crazy her life may be. The goal with this book is to recognize many women drive themselves crazy, intentionally, by trying to be all they can. I firmly believe we can have it all. A great relationship, being a great mom, keeping a good house (if that’s important to you), being a career woman, following your dreams, working out, eating right, and many more. Women seem to have the knack for how to manage it all and not go crazy. Women seem to always take on more and more…and are successful at it.
Women have tried forever to pretend they fit in the norm even when the norm wasn’t what they wanted. I want women to embrace that more - without caring what anyone thinks. Learn to laugh at your own craziness and be cool at the same time. Be the strong individual you want to be while looking like a million bucks.
Being a woman is difficult and is a constant evolution and journey of self discovery. It’s not always an easy journey and through the process you realize everyone has her own issues. Her own brand of crazy, which is my own kind of normal. Crazy but embracing it.
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