Chiczofrenia: Crazy is An Art Form

Guilt goes better with a side of wine

If I had a dollar, even a nickel, for every time I feel guilty about something I would be rich. Maybe that would assuage my guilt or at least make it more tolerable. What am I feeling guilty about you ask? Not being able to please everyone all the time, not being one of those moms who is Betty Crocker and loves to clean and do laundry. Missing deadlines, forgetting to call someone back, you name it. Now I don’t do all these things at once, I’m not that hopeless, but I feel guilty about something at least once a day. When I started to realize this was a problem and not just because I felt bad but because life is not perfect and it is what it is. You can’t always feel guilty about it. So I started looking into why I felt this way so often. What I realized pretty quickly is that it was mostly driven by me. I had previously thought people made me feel guilty but when I started to examine things more closely it was my own perceived guilt because I felt somehow I was disappointing the person and it almost made me mad at them because I felt bad of my own accord. Something had to change so I came up with a plan. I decided that during the course of the day I would write down everything I felt guilty about and then not worry about it, put it out of my mind, until I had a chance to pour myself a glass of wine that night, look at it, and reflect on the situation. Then, and only then, decide if I should truly feel guilty or was it a case of my over active guilt ridden mind?

After a few days of doing this exercise I found that I was able to let go of many things that in the past would have made me feel guilty for days. I thought maybe it was because I didn’t dwell at the time and by the evening the sting had wore off and I was more easily able to dismiss it. However, I was telling this story to a girlfriend and her first question was, “how much wine are you drinking while doing this?”

Hmm, maybe that was the key. The more wine I had the less guilt I felt. Now that’s not a problem I care to examine too closely.

Laina

WHAT MAKES US WHO WE ARE


Do you remember back when you were young and it was all about Barbie dolls and Baby Alive? If you had brothers, or even if you didn’t, there might be a Stretch Armstrong and some Hot Wheels thrown in. As young girls, we enjoyed playing house. Traditional play acting for girls and boys alike. Mimicking our parents and grandparents. Is this where we learned that we wanted to have that perfect life? Is it what all the people against Barbie and Ken were fearful of? I’m taking creative license here as I don’t know if anyone is actually against Barbie and Ken, but I think it sounds plausible. We played with the perfect Barbie, in her perfect clothes, her perfect corvette, and perfect Ken. Barbie and Ken never defaulted on their mortgage or had the corvette repossessed, and Barbie’s boobs never sagged, her butt didn’t droop. Did we feel this was how life was supposed to be? Perfect? How did you feel the first time you realized that life wasn’t going to be like Barbie and Ken living the life in the Dream House? Was it when you hit puberty and realized that you weren’t going to be 36-24-34? How did you feel? I felt cheated. Damn that fantasy.
Chiczofrenic is the term for the woman who is purposeful and intentional in how crazy her life may be. The goal with this book is to recognize many women drive themselves crazy, intentionally, by trying to be all they can. I firmly believe we can have it all. A great relationship, being a great mom, keeping a good house (if that’s important to you), being a career woman, following your dreams, working out, eating right, and many more. Women seem to have the knack for how to manage it all and not go crazy. Women seem to always take on more and more…and are successful at it.


Blurb:
Women have tried forever to pretend they fit in the norm even when the norm wasn’t what they wanted. I want women to embrace that more - without caring what anyone thinks. Learn to laugh at your own craziness and be cool at the same time. Be the strong individual you want to be while looking like a million bucks.

Being a woman is difficult and is a constant evolution and journey of self discovery. It’s not always an easy journey and through the process you realize everyone has her own issues. Her own brand of crazy, which is my own kind of normal. Crazy but embracing it.

ISBN: 978-0-578-07034-6

Book: $14.95 Available on www.lainaturner.com

E-Book: $9.95 Available on Kindle and Smashwords

ExcerpTuesday: Judi Coltman

Is It Just Me? or Is Everyone a Little Nuts! is a funny, sometimes ironic book that offers a laugh out loud look at parenting, marriage, aging and small town living from an suburban point of view.

Written in short chapters, Coltman retells everyday life events, conversations and stories infused with her skewed sense of humor. These small snippets of life are moments in which anyone can identify and laugh at themselves as well. Middle age can be boring, but Coltman allows the naughty into her life from time to time, like her adult Scout Troop, "Cougar Scouts" Troop 69, or conversations between her middle aged self and her seventeen year old self that will leave you rolling ( and remembering!) A great quick read beach side, poolside in the tub!


Chapter Sixteen An Ounce Of Prevention


Healthcare. There, I said it and now I’ll stand back while the people from both sides of the issue line up baring teeth and waving baseball bats. It is, absolutely, a political hot button that conjures up the most biting words with the teeth marks often showing up on the best of friends. I am concerned about the Healthcare Crisis too, but my reasons are a little different and some may seem a wee bit selfish, but I have a solution and it is nothing short of genius.

I’m all about preventative care. It only makes sense, doesn’t it, to avoid a disease instead of waiting for it to extend it’s clammy hands around your neck and then worry about the costly treatment? My own genetics point to heart related issues. I’m not happy about this but the die has been cast and the best thing I can do is try to live my life in a preventative manner which, to me, means taking steps to avoid heart disease. And I think insurance should be more than happy to pay for it.

This is my proposal: I think insurance should pay for a lifetime of red wine. Simple right? Everyone knows that the tannins of the grape skin found in red wine have been found to be beneficial to the heart. In fact, a glass of wine a day is a RECOMMENDATION for optimum heart health. I’d say that’s a no brainer. In fact, if I were the insurance companies, I would be making tracks to my local winery to make a sweet deal whereby they partner with the vintner to have cases of red wine sent to their clients every month. Then they could partner with UPS or even FedEx and get an even sweeter deal just by volume alone and I think that is tax deductible for them, so win, win, win.

And here’s how it would go: At any reasonable age after turning the age of majority. . . .say 21, a required medical check-up would be required. After a complete health history, physical work-up, blood panel and a Heart Score test, the freshly minted 21-year-old would begin a lifelong preventative program that begins with a required glass of wine every day.

BIO-

Raised in an affluent suburb of Detroit, Judi Coltman grew up in a female heavy household with an urban sense of "normal."

Coltman attended Michigan State University, majoring in Journalism until a professor requested she switch majors - "Apparently making a story better with added features isn't acceptable in the news world," Coltman laments.

With a BA in English from Northern Illinois University, Coltman has written for local, regional and national publications.

Most recently, Coltman has been writing a weekly blog called, "My Life in a Nutshell," from where her book material was born.

Coltman splits her time between northern Illinois and California where she and her husband lead a double life as Gidget and Moondoggy. Coltman is currently working on her second, third and fifth books simultaneously.

All Things Romantic Suspense: S.R. Claridge

1. How long have you been writing? The first time I wrote anything was when I was thirteen years old and my grandmother died. I wrote a poem about her and I haven’t stopped writing since. Back then, and even now to some degree, it was an emotional release for me. I could take everything that was pent up inside and spew it out in words on a page… somehow I felt better. I have boxes and boxes of horrible poetry sitting in my attic. 

2. Do you plot or do you write by the seat of your pants? I am definitely a fly by the seat of my pants writer. Sometimes I have a general idea of where the story will end up, but I have no idea how it gets there. The characters take on a life of their own and steer the story from there.

3. What was the name of the first novel you wrote? Did you try to publish it? It was actually a non-fiction book on marriage entitled, “There’s a Spouse in My House.” I didn’t try to publish it because when I finished writing it, I felt like it was dry and boring. I put it on a shelf and began writing a fictional story about a married couple… this eventually became my first published novel, NO EASY WAY.

4. How many rejections have you received? I received 37 rejections for NO EASY WAY and 12 contest critiques. At that time I sat down and cried, then got back up and did one helluva re-write… I’m talking major overhaul. I submitted again and was nominated for the Heart of Molly award and had a contract from a publisher.

5. Why did you pick the publisher that ultimately published your book? This is a great question because I had a publisher interested in NO EASY WAY at the same time I had an Agent interested. I was a nervous wreck… wanting to make the right decision for my career. Ultimately I went with my publisher (Kimberlee Williams; Vanilla Heart Publishing) because she took the time to answer my every question… and I had hundreds of questions! Kimberlee was tracking with the present industry changes and the Agent felt aloof and a bit old-school to me. Kimberlee continues to take the time to educate me, motivate me, encourage me… as she does with all of her writers.



I think it’s important when you choose an Agent or a Publisher that you have a solid working relationship with that person. It’s sort of like you’re climbing in a canoe together and you have to trust that the other person is going to pick up a paddle and help.

6. If you have a day job, what is it? I’m the General Manager of our Household… a Domestic Goddess (I like that one best!)  But most of all, they call me “mom.”

7. What’s your favorite quote? “Nothing is impossible… the very word itself says ‘I’m Possible.” Audrey Hepburn (I love her!)

8. What authors do you admire? New York Times Best Selling ones!

9. What place that you haven’t visited would you like to go? I would love to go back to Italy and to Paris… two of my favorite places to visit. I want to see Greece, Australia and Switzerland.

10. What other time period besides your own would you like to experience? None from the past…. Perhaps a futuristic time period would be fun.

Authorsday: R. Ann Siracusa

1. When did you know you wanted to be a writer?

My mother was a librarian, so I’ve always liked to read and write stories. Also, I had a wonderful English teacher in high school who encouraged me to write, but I never considered it as a profession. I earned my degree in Architecture from UC Berkeley, worked in Rome, got married there, and was caught up with family and profession.

I did a lot of non-fiction and professional writing in my work, but I didn’t follow up on my interest in fiction writing until I was in my forties. I read a novel that everyone was raving about and said, “Oh, man. Even I can write better than this.” So I wrote a novel in about 8 months. It wasn’t better – learning the craft took a while – but I was on my way. I’d been writing seriously (in spite of my demanding family, a 60 hr+/week job, and a two-hour-each-way commute) for about ten years before I realized that fiction writing was my “calling.”



2. How did you pick the genre you write in?

I think it picked me, at least for the humorous romantic suspense series I’ve been writing for Sapphire Blue Publishing. I get bored writing in the same genre, so I like to switch, which didn’t help getting a writing career established. (Publishers, and readers, like to know what kind of book they are getting when they pick up something by a particular author.)

World travel and writing are my two passions. I had no idea when I started traveling that I’d work the things I saw and learned into novels, but I’ve managed to combine them. No matter what genre I’m writing in, my work tends to be action/adventure oriented, and I’d say most of my work is 60% external action driven and 40% character/relationships driven. And I don’t have much success writing to guidelines. I tell the story that’s inside me to tell, so my work never quite fits the genre guidelines.


3. Do you plot or do you write by the seat of your pants?

I’m about fifty-fifty. I wrote my mafia thriller with only a loose outline and ended up with 300,000 words. Cutting over 600 pages was like killing my children. Some of my favorite scenes and best writing had to go. I cried for 6 months, and then it took another year and a half to revise.

After that, I wrote from a very tight outline until my experiment with writing humor in first person (All For A Dead Man’s Leg). That started out with a general idea and not a clue what was going to happen. It worked, but I was so lucky. Since then, I settled into using a one-page plotting outline (one sentence per scene about what has to happen) so I know where I’m going, what scenes I need to get there, and the plot points, but not specifically how I’ll accomplish it. And, of course, things change along the way (no matter whether you’re a plotter or pantser). I update the plot outline if modifications are important enough to impact other scenes, plot points, and overall direction.

4. What was the name of the first novel you wrote? Did you try to publish it?

The first novel I wrote was entitled “Ride on the Back of Lightning,” a romance about a young woman who wants to make a career in motocross racing. You have to understand this was in the early 1980s when Harlequin Presents was about the only romance line, and the heroines were limited to being nannies, school teachers, and nurses, or they just stayed home and lived with their parents. Boring! I was an architect. I didn’t want to write about nannies, grammar school teachers, or nurses. I thought American woman wanted more challenging and adventurous heroines. (This was before Harlequin had ever published a novel set in the US.) I got an agent (Florence Feiler) who liked the concept, but Harlequin told her they never touched entertainment or sports heroines because readers didn’t relate. Ho Hum. Well, I didn’t sell that one.

Years later, I thought about rewriting it as a young adult, but before I got it finished, Disney came out with a movie based loosely on the same idea (a young woman successful in motocross racing). While the story line was different than mine, I felt it would look like I’d lifted the concept from the Disney movie, so it’s still sitting in a three ring binder somewhere in box in my garage.

5. What do you know now that you are published that you didn’t know pre-published that you wish you knew?

A whole lot. In fact, I’m giving a class through my RWA chapter on “Everything I Wish I’d Known (and done) a Year Before I Published.” Once you’re published, writing becomes a business, and being a good writer doesn’t make someone a good business person.

A lot of what I didn’t know has to do with marketing in today’s electronic world, but a lot is preplanning, organization, and contacts that make life a lot easier and less stressful. My first novel (Family Secrets: A Vengeance of Tears) was published in 2008. Since then, I’ve had six published by Sapphire Blue and a seventh coming out in January. I’m still playing catch up.

6. How many rejections have you received? Lots! Was I supposed to be counting? Oh, man.

7. Why did you pick the publisher that ultimately published your book?

Like most beginning authors, I accepted the first offer I got. Not the smartest way to pick a publisher, but I believe it’s fairly common. And I haven’t been unhappy about the choice.

I went with an e-publisher because, as I pointed out, I can’t write to guidelines, so my work never quite fits the genre requirements. With the market as it is, my chances with a NY publisher were slim. E-publishers are more open to new authors, mixing genres, and approaches that are a little less “formula.” And I accepted the offer knowing the differences in business plan and marketing and accepting those differences.

That said, I would advice aspiring authors to really understand why they write, to pin down their expectations and goals, and to analyze the styles and the genres they write in. Then, do serious homework to select the appropriate publishers/agents to submit to. If the author has done a good job being honest with him/herself and has found appropriate matches, it probably won’t matter who makes the offer (unless there is something personal about the agent or editor, or the money deal stinks).

8. Tell me one thing about yourself that very few people know?

Let’s see. I like these two because they always let me know which of my friends and colleagues have actually read my interviews.

I had to look up the word fidanzata in the English-Italian dictionary to find out I was “engaged”, and the most unusual place I ever made love was on the steps of Palazzo della Civiltá Italiana in Rome. (Well, it was late at night and dark.)

9. What do you consider your strengths in terms of your writing?

Describing locations, cultures, attitudes, and ways of life vividly and with the kind of details you can’t get any other way than being there so the readers feel as though they have been there.

10. What’s your favorite quote? There are many that strike a chord, depending on the moment. One of my favorites is: We have met the enemy, and he is us! ~ Pogo.




Author Bio:


R. Ann Siracusa is involved in many activities, but her two favorite are traveling the world and writing fiction. This talented author combines those passions into novels which transport readers to exotic settings, immerse them in romance, intrigue, and foreign cultures, and make them laugh.

Retired from a career in architecture and urban planning (multi-published in professional non-fiction), she lives in San Diego, California, and writes full time. Her first novel was published in 2008, and since then seven additional works have been published by Sapphire Blue Publishing. She has been active in Romance Writers of America since 1985.





Book Blurb:

Title: Destruction Of The Great Wall

I’m Harriet Ruby, Tour Director Extraordinaire, and my fondest wish has come true! Will Talbot, my favorite Super Spy, wants to include me in his covert mission to recover a list of double agents. I am so-o going to love this!


I only have to pretend we’re husband and wife when he accompanies me on my China tour. How hard can that be?

Surprise! My parents show up on the tour. Then my mother and I are kidnapped, luring Will into a trap. Not to mention the damage my assault rifle does to the Great Wall. It wasn’t my fault. Really!

ExcerpTuesday: Elaine Cantrell

Excerpt: Return Engagement

In this excerpt my heroine has received a message supposedly from my hero asking her to meet him in a questionable part of town.

She turned into the front parking lot which was empty of cars and saw a faded and dusty closed sign in the office window. Wonder how many years the place had been closed? Okay, she’d try around back.

She drove around to the back side of the motel where she found a late model silver Buick and a black Jaguar parked side by side. Richard must have a Jaguar, too, thought Elizabeth. She wondered who owned the Buick and decided it probably belonged to someone helping him with her surprise.

She parked beside the two cars and looked around. Richard hadn’t mentioned a room number, but all of the doors were closed except room 205 which stood partially open. That must be the one. She hurried across the parking lot and stepped inside Room 205. It smelled musty and seemed dark to her, but the sun shone brightly today. She paused a moment to give her eyes time to adjust.
The room was bigger than she’d expected. Actually, it was a suite, not a single room at all. At one time it had probably looked very lovely, but now it just looked old and battered.

Water-stained wallpaper peeled from one corner while the carpet underfoot was littered with some type of black, loamy substance, maybe dirt, maybe mildew. She didn’t see anyone, so she called, “Richard? Where are you?”

No one answered, but she saw an interior door hanging from one hinge near the back of the room and decided to check it out. She took three steps into the quiet darkness before she finally realized something was wrong. Things didn’t feel right in this room. Every nerve in her body screamed danger, and she seemed to have ice water instead of blood in her veins. She was getting out of here!

With a gasp she turned to run, but she had waited too late. A small man stood between her and the front door. He held an ugly, black gun that pointed straight at her. “Miss Lane, how very good of you to come,” he began, his voice cultured, precise, and quiet. “This gathering would not be complete without your presence.”

“Who are you? Where’s Richard?” Elizabeth shrilly demanded.

“All of your questions will be answered in time, Miss Lane.” He didn’t take the gun off Elizabeth as he backed toward the outer door and shut it. “Please walk in front of me to the next room. There’s someone there who’s waiting for you.”

Blurb: Return Engagement


Elizabeth Lane has it all, but an actress isn’t the kind of woman Senator Henry Lovinggood wants for his son, Richard. Ten years ago he broke Richard and Elizabeth up, but this time Elizabeth’s fighting back, a decision that leads to kidnapping and attempted murder and alienates her from the man of her dreams.

Author bio

Elaine Cantrell was born and raised in South Carolina. She holds a Master’s Degree in Personnel Services from Clemson University and is a member of Alpha Delta Kappa, an international honorary sorority for women educators. She is also a member of Romance Writers of America and EPIC authors. Her first novel, A New Leaf, was the 2003 winner of the Timeless Love Contest and was published in 2004 by Oak Tree Books. At present she teaches high school social studies. In her spare time she enjoys reading, collecting vintage Christmas ornaments, and playing with her grandchildren.

Authorsday: Saffina Desforges

1. When did you know you wanted to be a writer?

It is cliqued to say “from when I could hold a pen” but it’s true! I can remember as far back as primary school making stories up for Halloween and Christmas etc and writing them down in an exercise book. It isn’t something I want to do, I have to do it.

2. How long have you been writing?
I have been writing properly (i.e. actually believing that I am a writer!) for about two years, but have always written for personal enjoyment since my early teens.

3. How did you pick the genre you write in?
Ah well, that’s a tricky one. My first completed novel is a crime thriller, but I am writing a dark, urban fantasy, as well as a series of commercial crime thrillers, so I guess I write across more than one genre (rightly or wrongly).

4. Do you plot or do you write by the seat of your pants?
Don’t you see these holes? ;-)

5. What drew you to the subject of Sugar & Spice?
The controversy of the subject and the fact that people choose to ignore the issues that S&S covers.

6. Did you encounter any obstacles in researching it?
Many, because it is such a taboo subject. The research was a long, hard slog and sometimes, people didn’t want to talk about what they knew or be associated with the subject matter.

7. What was the name of the first novel you wrote? Did you try to publish it?
I am still writing the first novel I ever wrote! It is 75% completed and I hope to have it ready for the middle of next year.

8. What’s your favorite quote?
“Better to remain silent and look a fool, then to speak and remove all doubt.” I have no idea who it belongs to, it was on a desk calendar and I have never forgotten it.

9. What do you do when you are not writing?
I play and watch football (and yes, I am a girl!)

10. What was the hardest scene to write?
The scenes where Greg Randall is undergoing ‘therapy’ at the Institute. It was very difficult to get into the mind of a male with pedophile tendencies and not feel uncomfortable.

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Author Bio:
I am a thirty-something writer from England. I live with my partner and a head full of people that don’t ever let me sleep.

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Book Blurb::
When you've got two young children, and you think the unthinkable, where do you turn? Inspired by the story of a man who begged a Judge to give him a longer sentence, because he knew he would harm another child if released, Sugar & Spice is meticulously researched, asking the questions society prefers not to have answered. At once disquieting and challenging, Sugar & Spice is car crash reading

The Reporposed Writer

Consuelo Saah Baehr shares how she repurposed herself.

I am a repurposed writer who got off the couch several months ago, formatted my out-of-print backlist books published them on Amazon and now sell them in the Kindle store.

If someone had told me in January 2010 that by the end of the year I would own a virtual bookstore with six titles and that I could and would sell books in America, the U.K. Canada and possibly other countries while I slept (as well as when I was awake) and that these books would not be yanked off the shelves because they weren’t selling hundreds of copies a day but would remain for sale in the store for as long as I wanted, I would have said: “Welcome to “never” land.”

I’ve been writing for twenty years and previous to e-publishing, the portrait of the average author was of an ill-groomed person, alone in a room, a look of desperation on his face. Two distant and withholding persons controlled his happiness: his agent and his publisher. The only good news ever received was the day a publishing house bought his book. “We’ve sold the book,” the agent would say and mention the sum of the advance. The fate of the book was instantly decided by someone the author had never met: the sales force. The sales force dictated the size of the print run and the print run determined the distribution of the book. There followed a year of complete silence while the book was produced. Even with good reviews the active life of a new book lasted at best three or four months. The book then went out of print.

If that picture seems bleak, it is because it is bleak. In fact the word bleak was coined for mid-list writers publishing books traditionally in the United States.

At first, the idea of re-issuing my books as e-books was similar to telling me I could perform brain surgery. That world belonged to bright young tech savvy entrepreneurs, not a middle-aged mother of three. I began to read the blogs and even with Joe Konrath cheerleading with wild enthusiasm, it took me a year to get on board. I began by re-typing all of my books into my computer and editing. The Smashwords Style Guide showed me how to format the documents. My daughter made new covers and in late August I pulled the trigger and uploaded the books onto Amazon. Happiness ensued.

Along with my backlist books, I’ve published two e-book originals and plan to resurrect all of the half-finished novels I found in my files. Slowly I am building reviews and a visible brand. A word of caution: uploading a book onto Amazon does not assure you instant sales. You have to do marketing work and there is plenty of advice for this on the Kindleboards a community of generous and knowledgeable people. As part of marketing, I began a blog and found I love blogging. My blog is: The Repurposed Writer. Just as we repurpose material that we used to throw away: newspapers, plastic, metal, etc., e-pubilshing has repurposed all those wonderful books that had too short a life.